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Jason Hanash

10 Red Flags You Need to Find New Friends

You know that feeling when you hang out with a friend and leave thinking, “Was that really worth my time?” If your answer is often "no," it might be time to reevaluate who your friends are.

But before we dive into the red flags, let's remember that friendships can go through tough times, and a temporary rough patch isn't always a sign to cut someone off. Sometimes, your friend may be struggling and unable to be the friend you need at the moment.

Good friendships endure through the highs and lows, and understanding can bridge gaps.

Here are ten signs that you might need to swipe left on some of your current friendships.

1. Energy Vampires: They suck the life out of you.

Do you feel drained and exhausted after hanging out with them? Maybe after a coffee date, you feel more tired than before. Energy vampires suck the joy out of your life. True friends should energize you, not deplete your spirit.

2. Dream Crushers: They belittle your aspirations.

When you share your goals and dreams, do they belittle or dismiss them? Perhaps you excitedly tell them about a new ministry idea or a small group, and they just laugh it off. Be careful, dream crushers are roadblocks to your destiny. Friends should uplift and inspire you, not crush your dreams.

3. Drama Magnets: They attract unnecessary chaos.

Are they always surrounded by drama and chaos? Like that friend who always has a new crisis every week and drags you into it. Drama magnets attract unnecessary chaos. A friend who constantly brings turmoil into your life is a sign of instability. Swipe left. 

4. Ghosting Specialists: They disappear when you need them most.

Do they disappear without explanation and reappear when it’s convenient? You know the type—someone who cancels plans last minute and then acts like nothing happened weeks later. Consistent ghosting is a sign of an unreliable and flaky friendship. Ghosting specialists vanish when you need them most.

5. Backhanded Compliments: Their compliments feel like insults.

Do their compliments often feel more like insults? It seems like a compliment, but it’s also belittling. For example, I overheard someone say, “You’re actually pretty smart for someone who didn’t go to college.”...Ummm, Thank you? Or forget you? Friends who give backhanded compliments are often harboring hidden envy. Insecurity prevents them from supporting you.

6. Fair-Weather Friends: They flee when storms come.

Do they only show up when things are going well for you? Like the friend who loves come to the gatherings and outings, but is nowhere to be found when you need help. Fair-weather friends flee when storms come. These friends disappear during tough times, revealing their true colors.

7. Chronic Critics: They chip away at your confidence.

Are they overly critical and rarely supportive? Maybe they always find something wrong with your decisions, never offering positive feedback. Constant criticism without constructive feedback is detrimental. Chronic critics chip away at your confidence.

8. Gossip Spreaders: They sow seeds of discord and distrust.

Do they constantly talk about others behind their backs? If they gossip to you, they’ll gossip about you. Gossip spreaders sow seeds of discord and distrust. Trustworthy friends should honor confidentiality and speak positively. 

9. Toxic Associations: Their closest friends are toxic people.

Do their closest friends have a negative influence on them and you? If their circle is full of toxic people, it’s likely they’ll bring that toxicity into your life. Toxic associations breed unhealthy environments. Evaluate the company your friends keep as a reflection of their values.

10. Guilt Trippers: They twist your kindness into obligation.

Do they make you feel guilty for not meeting their demands? Such as when they make you feel bad for not always being available on their terms. Guilt trippers twist your kindness into obligation. This manipulative behavior strains your emotional health.

What about you? Do these signs resonate with your current friendships? How can you cultivate a circle that reflects your values and supports your growth?

Choosing friends who uplift, respect, and genuinely care for you is crucial for a fulfilling and God’s call on your life. Recognize these red flags and take steps to surround yourself with positive influences.

Choose friends who lift you higher, not hold you back.

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Jason Hanash

Jason Hanash is the founding pastor of Discovery Church. He strongly believes that God’s mission for the local church is to be a lighthouse for the Good News and to help people discover their God-given destiny. His messages are relevant, practical and aimed for life-change. He has a passion for planting new churches and raising up leaders.

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